雑念手帳

森の中で

もし俺がここで死んだら
お前はいつそれを知るのかな
こんな深い森の中で
二人遠くはなれて



電話はもう随分前から通じない


体温が落ちてく
寒い

ごめん
役に立てなかった

（一面の赤、霞む視界）


ここは寒い
本当に寒い


俺はもうすぐ

いなくなるかも
しれな、い


めぐる言葉
映像
走馬灯
お前の、笑顔


消滅の予感

どうして
こんなにまで
伝えたい？

———お前に


（それは最後の自己主張）
（妄執）
（相手の記憶に鈎爪を立てるように）

（でも力つきて、むなしく滑り落ちる）


もうすぐはじまる不在
こわばる指


ここは戦場
ありふれた悲哀

ああ、
光が
まぶしい

Glare


Since then
What an enormous distance has separated us
You see, my dear friend ?

I remember your bright eyes
The softness of your lips
Trembling, hesitating with all the emotion which filled you up
That day, far away from here, on this sea side bluff under the setting sun

The last word you gave me
Has been suspended in the air
Without reaching me



No.

I know why
It is me who erased it
From my memory

(forgotten,
vanished
remained absolute nothingness)


Ah since when you stopped existing

From the moment when I saw your body
Ripped
Mangled
Destroyed

By my proper hands


It's always been here that I come back

Here, the very place I did it
Here, I hear always winds and waves broken on the rocks
Far below my feet


All of these noises, filling the space, blue and empty
Are like your whispers in my ears


Tell me....

In spite of the distance,

Are you still waiting for me there ?


(a voice, weak and sweet, comes up and says, from the darkness:


yes my dear
it's always you whom I'm waiting for
here, far away from you
on the other side


come

put your step ahead in the air
to come down in the narrow way which leads to me



free yourself from your body

from your memory
and
your sorrow


you know what ?

murderer,


........I loved you )



A last glare of the sun set

Blowing wind
Crashing waves


Then comes the silence


To erase all trace of me from this world